It’s the end of summer and your dudes hormones are raging. As the seasons are preparing to change, his testosterone level has reached beyond the point of combustion. He has become a lot more aggressive and sexually active over the past few weeks. Your man’s appetite for your body is more intense than it has been in months. Whenever you open your arms to embrace him, he yanks you by your belt, pulls you close and begins unbuckling your pants. Each time you attempt to cuddle, he tries to climb between your legs and pull your clothes off. Your guy walks in the house from work and you kiss him on his cheek. Before you can finish asking, ‘how was your day?’ he has your thighs wrapped around his waist, as he’s carrying you into the bedroom.
Despite the fact that you haven’t been in the mood for sheet sessions, you’ve compromised by fulfilling your man’s sexual needs. In return, he has not made an attempt to display forms of affection throughout each day. He only really wants to touch or kiss during moments when the two of you are engaged in intercourse. Even though you are still physically attracted to him, the fact that he isn’t being nurturing or extending tiny gestures of love, has ruined your interest in being intimate with him.
Guys often have a difficult time differentiating between the physical act of having sex and displaying affection towards their partners. In many romantic relationships, one partner usually depends on spontaneous bonding moments as reassurance of their man’s feelings. Being held on the couch while watching a Red Box movie or receiving a tiny kiss on the neck while standing in the kitchen washing dishes makes an individual feel loved, as oppose to lusted after.
Affection can be displayed in many forms. Most often, it is exercised through tiny, thoughtful acts that suggest someone is very fond of another. When a guy shows his affection to his partner, he is actually strengthening the romantic bond that already exists.
Tell your man that while you enjoy having sex with him, you also have needs that aren’t being met. Remind him that you are his partner and not simply his plastic, body pump. Help him understand that you aren’t being fulfilled by the intercourse that is void of intimacy and affection. You can not wait and assume that your dude will figure out the problem based upon a gradual or sudden change in your mood, attitude and demeanor.
Sometimes, the desire to engage in intercourse with our partner is sparked by their ability to make us feel special. Always being groped, fondled or pressured into having sex doesn’t ignite ones interest. Intangible acts of love and care are what helps to create a healthy dynamic in a romantic relationship. A constant display of affection sends the message to your partner that you value them individually and are very much still committed to the relationship.
Gay men who refuse to bottom for their partner are either emotionally unattached, psychologically fearful or physically turned off by the feeling of being penetrated. Contrary to popular belief, there exists a lot of homosexual men in the world who do not enjoy the act, feeling or idea of being penetrated. There are many same gender loving men who exist in committed, long term relationships where they do not allow themselves to be sexually submissive to their partners at all. In the beginning stages of a casual, gay male relationship, sexual roles and bedroom preferences are most often discussed or mutually understood during the initial dating process. However, as the relationship reaches beyond the honeymoon period and expectations are set for the duration of the relationship, many guys often assume that the sex life will simply take its own course. Naively, men enter into same sex relationships under the impression that their boyfriend will eventually ‘give in’ and begin to explore the acts that he proclaims he does not enjoy. Sometimes, the unsaid agreement of who will be the dominant, sexual partner versus who will be more submissive is established during the first few acts of intercourse. As the more submissive partner begins feeling bored with playing the same role over a prolonged period of time, he desires to engage in a deeper level of sexual activity with his man. He starts wanting to explore his man’s body from a dominant position. His ‘man’ expresses very strong feelings about what he won’t allow in the bedroom and what he refuses to do with his body. The subject is brought up in various conversations that usually turns into arguments and intense shouting matches. The couple begins having sex less and less, as the tension that exists between them intensifies. The pair begin to ignore and eventually lose their intimacy. In due part to the fact that neither guy ever ignited a serious, in depth conversation about past experiences and present desires, the couple faces losing their relationship as a result of their declining sex life.
A guy who has bottomed previously, but refuses to do the same in his current relationship is someone who was emotionally attached to his ex boyfriend. The connection he felt with his previous partner extended beyond the conventions of a cute, school boy crush. In many circumstances, the guy he was involved with was older, provided financially for the household and was most often your current’s ‘first love’. When a guy feels an intense, emotional attachment to another man, he is willing to do anything possible to please that man. Sometimes, he will make decisions against his better judgement or preference in order to maintain order in his relationship. Surrendering his body to his ex lover was more about the willingness to satisfy his man’s desires than it was the act of allowing his man to penetrate him. Guy’s who don’t usually bottom, must feel that their partner truly loves and appreciates them in order to give up that part of themselves. To endure the physical pain of being sexually submissive, a man wants to know that he won’t have to also endure the pain of losing his relationship. If your man is refusing to bottom for you right now, he may not be emotionally ready to handle the ways in which his feelings intensify following the act. As a way of trying to stay in control of his heart, your dude may simply want to wait until he feels the relationship is secure. Even if the two of you have been together for six months or a year, for him, that period of time may still seem short lived. Allow him to feel emotionally comfortable with being submissive to you. Otherwise, the actual act will be an unpleasant experience for both partners.
Psychologically, some guys fear the social stigma’s, personal shame and romantic responsibilities that come along with acting as the bottom in their relationships. In due part to the fact that he bottomed for his ex, his mind races around the fact that other people in the world know he allowed a man to climb his back. He assumes that his ex’s friends and associates consider him to be a weak man for playing a submissive role in the bedroom. Since he can’t change what he has done in his sexual past, his refusal to bottom in his current relationship is a part of his psychological method of controlling the present.Regardless of sexual orientation, men fear being looked down upon or ridiculed by other men. Your boyfriend is fearful of other people knowing or finding out that he ‘surrendered his manhood’. Though being penetrated has nothing to do with strength or masculinity, many gay men measure sexual submissive behavior as being less than ‘manly’. Socially, your boyfriend needs to still feel dominant and in charge of the relationship. The moment he throws his legs in the air for you, he is thinking that he’s also throwing away his power. These thoughts then manifest into a deep rooted shame. Your boyfriend more than likely feels that it is his responsibility to lead the relationship, romantically. If he is then being sexually submissive, psychologically he’s thinking that he is giving up that lead role. Previously, his ex may have held that lead position, therefore forcing your boyfriend to follow. Alongside his ex, he never contemplated all of these thoughts until after the relationship was over. You are simply having to suffer the affects of his psychological warfare.
Physically, your guy may honestly hate the discomforts of being sexually submissive. Not every gay man enjoys the hard, piercing, intense feeling of being penetrated. However, in the confines of a solid, healthy, relationship, I do believe that the more dominant male should compromise. He should be open to the idea of receiving anal pleasure, orally. He should also allow his partner to explore certain areas of his body through touch and the act of massage. Physically bottoming doesn’t simply have to include the act of penetration. There are ways to be sexually submissive and bottom, without having to endure physical pain. If your boyfriend is truly turned off by the feeling of conventionally bottoming, help him get comfortable with you exploring his buttocks in a less intense manner. One of the easiest and most effective ways of accomplishing this goal is to bathe him in the tub or in the shower. If you first give his preferred body parts plenty of attention, he’s more willing to allow you to play with the others. Once he becomes use to you touching him everywhere, he will eventually feel comfortable as you begin using your teeth, lips, fingers and other body parts to explore his bottom region.
If he bottomed for his ex, but refuses to do the same for you, take the time to figure out his reasons. As oppose to getting frustrated and fussing about the issue, have discussions about his past experiences being sexually submissive. As he shares certain stories, try to make sense of what he is telling you. Guys often give us all of the information we need in order to understand what he’s thinking, how he’s feeling or what is bothering him above all else. We simply need to LISTEN! If you know your man well, you will grasp his point of view.
Usually, the fact that he won’t bottom for you has MORE to do with him and his own internal struggles.
A relationship without chemistry or attraction is merely a friendship. While many will argue that sex isn’t a big deal, physical intimacy does play a huge role in the development of a healthy, romantic relationship. When a couple is no longer enjoying one another in the bedroom, the relationship is bound to face a very rocky and unstable period. When one individual is enjoying the sexual interaction and the other no longer feels pleased, the problems that arise could be detrimental to the entire bond.
The toughest part about existing in a relationship with a man who fulfills your emotional needs but leaves you longing for physical pleasure, is having to tell him that you aren’t satisfied. The male ego is extremely fragile. Those who truly love their man and care about the fragments of his heart, do their best to never make him feel embarrassed or ashamed. However, guarding your man’s feelings by not openly expressing disappointment or dissatisfaction, can sometimes create an internal frustration.
When a man is not physically pleasing your body, the first step you should take is to whisper in his ear during sex. In a very low and soothing tone, you should tell him exactly where to touch you next or how to move certain body parts. Most men don’t want to feel controlled in the bedroom. However, many men are aroused by the act of their partner verbalizing what they want done to them. A Dominant man reaches his peak when his partner appears to be most submissive. As a result, whispering your desires to your man, and allowing him to take charge of those subtle, verbal commands is exactly what you need in order to be physically fulfilled.
A lot of guys aren’t bad at having sex simply because they don’t know how to move or position their bodies during intercourse. Many guys are considered bad at sex when they’ve become use to performing in only one or two ways. Usually, the ways in which their ex enjoyed having sex is how the man’s body is trained to please his other partners. If he existed in a monogamous relationship for an extended period of time, the man simply hasn’t become use to filling the needs of a different individual. In this case, it is best that you take charge. Initially, as the sheet session begins, lead the pace and style of the intercourse. Let him fill in the middle; literally and figuratively. You, however, create the outline of everything that goes down during that particular encounter.
Also, it’s a very good idea to ask your man to touch himself in your presence. Allow him to feel as comfortable stroking and massaging his private areas in your company, as he does when he’s alone. A lot of men have intense solo sessions because they feel most relaxed and at ease when they aren’t worried about pleasing another individual. If your man begins to associate you with situations that are sexual, intense and void of any pressures, he’s more likely to perform to a higher degree. A man truly does physically deliver when he is most comfortable. As he touches himself in front of you, pay attention to the areas where he uses his hands most often. This will not only help you learn his X spots, but you will begin to understand why he focuses on certain parts of your body instead of others. Men often assume that what they enjoy sexually, their partners do as well.
Most men aren’t strictly focused on the nut when it comes to engaging with their partner. Most men really do want to please their mate as much as their mate wishes to please them. If he truly respects and cares for you, he honestly will be open to your advances. Your method of handling the issue of his ‘bad sexual habits’ doesn’t have to be a direct, abrupt conversation. You can try some of the methods that Ive suggested in order to experience sexual satisfaction.
After all, if your man truly is good to you in every other aspect of the relationship, you will want to keep him in your life, long term. Sex can be definitive in making that final decision. However, your man’s bedroom performance can be refined by simply telling him to please you, leading the sheet sessions or making him feel that he can explore his body in your company. Once your man feels totally secure around you, he will want to share his most intense passions with you.
Often times, that creates the difference between bad and mind blowing sex.