Guys are visual creatures by nature. We are stimulated more by what we see, as opposed to content we’ve read in a book or something we happen to have heard on the radio. Men may not remember everything you said while telling a story or expressing your feelings to him. However, he will never forget how you looked or the expressions you made while doing so. The details regarding the color of your shirt may become blurry over time, but once he stamps in his mind that you were physically attractive in that moment, the memory is forever sealed.
In this day and time, many of us establish casual and intimate relationships through various social media exchanges. The default Avi sparks initial interest and then offline contact information is exchanged. Depending on the type of guy you’ve attracted, he is more than likely going to ask that you send him a nudie pic within the first two or three text conversations. To make you feel comfortable in obliging his request, your new summer interest may forward his own racey photo first. For some people, receiving an unsolicited, nude pic from someone they’ve recently met can be a complete turn off. For others, the photo may intensify interest and actually encourage you to send one of your own.
Before you decide to hit the send button and share your private parts with this new man, there are seven key things that you must consider. After all, once you share this photo, the relationship between you and the new dude may not extend further than your casual, text conversation.
7. DONT SEND AN EXTREME CLOSE-UP SHOT – Yes, while many guys are turned on by having your body directly in their face behind-closed-doors, we prefer to gaze at photos where we aren’t confused by what we’re seeing. Often times, people will place the lens of their camera phones so close to the featured body part that the photo becomes distorted. It’s almost difficult to determine what has been captured. Aside from that, men enjoy looking at the lines and curves that surround specific private areas on your body. Don’t zero in on the tips, nips and holes.
6. USE NATURAL LIGHT & MINIMAL EDITING – Part of the thrill and excitement of receiving a racey pic from someone you’re already physically attracted to, is seeing their naked body photographed as close to how it will look in person. The worst thing you can do is create an unrealistic image of how you look in the flesh. While the guy you’re wanting to entice may fall in love with your edited form, he will be extremely disappointed once the two of you are undressed in front of one another for the first time. Photoshop, filters and other artificial lighting applications honestly detract from the allure of racey pic exchanges. If your guy wanted to see professional, polished photos, he’d log online and search one of the easily accessible, adult sites.
5. CLEAN YOUR BEDROOM/BATHROOM – The background of your ‘private pic’ will be examined once your guy stares at the racey pic long enough. Sometimes, we assume that no one pays attention to the pile of clothes sitting on the floor or the toothpaste stains on the mirror. However, if a man is truly interested in pursuing you, he’s going to take notice of the room you’re posed in. Remember, guys are visual creatures. To help him determine the type of person you are initially, he will focus on how you live. The ways in which you keep your home environment can say a lot about who you are as an individual. Additionally, you do not want to accidentally photograph medicine bottles, addressed envelopes or other personal items in your photo. In our day and time, people will enlarge and magnify pics in an effort to figure out private information about you. Be cautious of every product or piece of paper that is mistakenly captured in your pic.
4. USE ANGLES THAT DON’T FEATURE YOUR IDENTIFIABLE TATOOS, BIRTHMARKS & PIERCINGS – It is so important to keep in mind that a casual exchange of nude photos can lead to a permanent, online disaster. Even though you may crop your face out of a racey pic, please remember that our unique, body art can sometimes set us apart from the crowd. As people post ‘random pics’ of others on tumblr, instagram and other social media networks, you don’t want your personal, private pic to be easily identifiable in a public, online forum. Your face may not be attached to the body, but that one-of-a-kind tattoo that’s plastered across your chest can easily be matched to every other semi clothed photo you’ve shared on Facebook.
3. SHOW A CLOSE FRIEND BEFORE SENDING – Those of us who are close to our same sex friends usually engage in open discussions about our sex lives and relationships. We talk about our bodies, we workout together and even ask for opinions regarding improving certain physical features. Our friends sometimes notice flaws and/or progress that we rarely see when standing in the mirror. As a result, it really is a good idea to let your friends see the racey photo you want to send, maybe in comparison to another that you are considering. You’d be surprised just how many little things your BFF may notice about your body or the background that you totally didn’t see or want seen by someone else.
2. DELETE THE UNWANTS – Honestly, not too many of us can stand in a mirror or hold a camera in front of our face and capture the perfect body shot or selfie with one click. It often takes at least twenty different shots, poses and angles before we secure what can be considered, racey-ready. Most of us always take a series of photos with our phones or computers before deciding upon the perfect pic to post. As a result, please remember to DELETE the horrible nineteen pics that did not make the final cut. Imagine losing your cell phone or leaving your computer open at Barnes & Noble and having just anyone see those less than flattering nudie shots. THE HORROR!
1. ACCEPT THE FACT THAT HIS FRIENDS WILL SEE YOU NAKED – Though we’d like to think that guys have enough integrity and honor to not share our racey photos with other people, you must acknowledge the fact that many of them don’t. Guys not only love to ogle naked bodies, but they also love bragging to their friends about the naked bodies they’re sleeping with during the summer months. Even if a man begins to like you or care for you beyond the casual texts and racey photo exchanges, a lot of them show your pics to their friends when they first meet you. The friends may not ever mention it, of course. However, DONT SEND WHAT YOU DONT WANT SEEN BY OTHER PEOPLE.
There is nothing morally wrong with capturing and sharing photos of your private parts. However, once the image is sent in a text or forwarded online, the image is immediately sealed in time. Use your best judgements in deciding whether or not this new guy is even worth the effort in you taking naked photos of yourself. Then, if you do decide that he is worth the time, be sure to send a photo that is flattering and realistic to what he may get a chance to see face to face. Forwarding a racey or risqué pic through text messaging is a risk that you should take only if you’re completely confident and comfortable with what could be the end result.
I was never shy on Twitter to admit that I wasn’t a fan of KIM KARDASHIAN‘S blonde hair. I felt that it detracted from her beauty and made her look like a cheaper version of herself. Kim Kardashian is an extremely attractive woman, and the fact that she has allowed Kanye West to dictate her style, career decisions and overall look is truly disappointing.
I was so glad to see the photos of Kim leaving Naimie’s Beauty Center in Valley Village, California alongside sister, Khloe. This is the Kim I fell in love with 7 years ago. The dark hair makes Kim look healthier, as it accentuates her rich features. To be honest, I don’t like blonde hair on ethnic women at all. I appreciate darker locks. The color enhances the thickness and texture of the hair when you first look at non-European women. It’s very attractive. I truly hope Kim sticks with her brunette look for years to come.
On January 6, 2014, Good Morning America host, ROBIN ROBERTS, publicly announced her long term, romantic relationship with partner, AMBER LAIGN. The two have been together for the past 10 years. Robin declared how incredibly healthy and happy she felt after spending two years battling the bone marrow disease, myelodysplastic syndrome. Now, Robin says that she wants to become a mother.
Robin and Amber have already found and secured a sperm donor. Together, they have decided that it would be best for Amber to carry the child to term. Robin is 53 years old and Amber will turn 40 this year.
What I most admire about Robin Roberts is the fact that she hasn’t allowed her cancer diagnosis to defeat her character. She is still pushing and fighting to live her best life, despite the setbacks and challenges. Ive heard Robin publicly state that her health issues have served as more of a gift than a curse. I think she feels liberated at this point in her life, and wants now more than ever to celebrate who she is. It’s a beautiful journey to witness.
“Robin says getting sick was the best thing that ever happened to her, because she got a second chance at life.”
If I knew nothing about black women other than the characters and ‘scandals’ that are portrayed on mainstream television, I’d think that very few exist in loyal, loving, long term relationships. There seems to be a common thread that ties the black, leading ladies of scripted television to the female, reality stars featured in unscripted television programs. Many of these women are portrayed as being headstrong, nurturing and business oriented. However, as it pertains to their romantic lives, each is either tied to a married man or helplessly in love with an emotionally unstable and unavailable guy. Rarely, in this day and time, do we see characters created in the likes of Claire Huxtable, Harriet Winslow or Florida Evans. Not only has the conventional black family been washed from primetime, but the ‘married, black mother of two’ is now an endangered, televised species. Mainstream television now features beautiful, talented actresses like Kerry Washington as Olivia Pope and Gabrielle Union as Mary Jane in dramatic roles where their characters lack solid, monogamous relationships. Their stories are written to frame them as the heroine; the woman we all sit back and cheer for each week. Then, however, we’re drawn into cringe worthy scenes where our Mary Jane’s and Olivia Pope’s are thrown into closets or locker room shower stalls for a quickie alongside their unhappily married lovers.
As I watched the pilot episode of ‘Being Mary Jane’ three or four weeks ago, I was very impressed with the writing style, accompanying music, as well as the dramatic performances. The series felt like a relatable, nuanced story that just so happen to feature a predominately black cast. The fluidity of the show made me forget for a moment that my friend and I were even tuned into a BET program. I could see a little bit of my sister, eldest female cousin and even some of my leading lady friends in the characteristics and many dimensions that layered the character of Mary Jane. As a man, I could even relate to Mary Jane’s conscious decision to stand clear of men who were already involved in other, romantic relationships. I silently cheered for Mary Jane each time Andre attempted to ignite communication and she immediately shut down his advances. It was the level of control she maintained over her emotional desires that allowed me to identify with her internal struggles. During each scene, I watched Mary Jane as she attempted to remain strong and collected for her suicidal friend, physically ill mother, uneasy, male co-worker and somewhat dysfunctional family. She remained focused and in charge of herself throughout the many issues that plagued her daily routine. It wasn’t until the final scene of the first episode that I felt a sense of harsh, disappointment.
In the final scene, Andre bursts into the female locker room of the gym that he and Mary Jane both attend. As Mary Jane is exiting the showers, Andre forces a stream of conversation. Mary Jane initially rejects his advances. However, she then requests the password to Andre’s phone in an effort to erase the naked photos that she previously texted to him. In the process, she sees a photo of Andre’s children saved as the screen saver in his cell. It truly bothered me at that moment to watch Mary Jane give in to temptation by letting Andre penetrate her against the shower wall. Once the reality of Andre’s family situation was placed directly in her face, I assumed Mary Jane would fight harder to submerge her physical and emotional desires beneath the surface of her longings. It did not make sense to me that a woman who fought so hard against her emotions and broken heart, would wait to sleep with her married suitor again after being exposed to his children. As far as Im concerned, the reality of the children should have pushed her further away from Andre. This plot twist painted Mary Jane as a woman who ultimately isn’t in control of how she behaves as a result of her feelings.
The back and forth between Mary Jane and Andre has become the central plot line of the ‘Being Mary Jane’ series. The same can be said for the unhealthy, back and forth that exists between Olivia Pope and the President throughout the ‘Scandal’ series. Despite their strides as intelligent, professional, well adjusted, black women, the instability of Mary Jane and Olivia Pope’s romantic relationships has become the main focus of their televised lives. Since the scripted characters of Mary Jane and Olivia Pope are presently the most popular and celebrated amongst the black community, Im concerned about what the disfunction in their romantic lives says to the world about black women. Both Mary Jane and Olivia Pope consciously choose to exist as the other woman. Shockingly, I see many of the women I follow on social media applauding the extra marital affairs.
In comparison, when I do find time to watch full episodes of Basketball Wives, The Real Housewives Of Atlanta or Love & Hip Hop on VH1, the screen time is always dedicated to the story lines focused on the instability of the black woman’s romantic life. Even though Evelyn Lozada isn’t black, she is still a woman of color. This most recent season of ‘Basketball Wives’ solely featured Evelyn in collective and confessional scenes where she spoke endlessly about the cheating and abuse that framed her relationship with Chad Ochocinco. During this current season of ‘The Real Housewives Of Atlanta’, Porsha Stewart monopolizes at least 20 – 25 minutes of an hour long episode as she intimates the tragic loss of her marriage, and the subservient role she had to play in order to keep her ex husband happy. ‘Love & Hip Hop’ brands its leading ladies as nothing more than women who are beautiful and determined to make their career goals a reality. However, each of them usually exists in a broken relationship or unhealthy ‘situation’ that they aren’t strong enough to permanently leave in the murky past.
The story lines that are written and created for black, female characters in scripted and non-scripted, contemporary television displays a strong sense of weakness as it pertains to the decisions these women make in their romantic relationships. If the black female leads aren’t sleeping with and embracing the sexual advances from married men, they’re seriously involved with guys who don’t want to solidify the bond exclusively. While we can easily dismiss the portrayal of these women as mere entertainment, it’s important to remember that there aren’t enough images of black love on mainstream television to combat the stories that frame black women as the contemporary concubine who has lost total control of her love life.