One of the toughest parts about engaging with another individual is experiencing a situation where the two of you exist on different levels of emotional interest. When a guy is wanting to play the role of your exclusive boyfriend and you still desire dating other people, it’s difficult to interact with him without feeling guilty. In situations where the two of you have established a strict friendship and it becomes obvious that there’s a mutual, physical attraction, someone has to acknowledge the tension. If the chemistry is never addressed, the two of you will either end up making each other jealous as you date other individuals or you could randomly have sex and end up developing a deeper level of relations. However, one of the most awkward and uncomfortable situations that exists between people is when one is desiring a romantic relationship of some sort and the other is completely uninterested.
Letting a guy know that you don’t wish to be romantically involved with him can damage the friendship or association that has been established. If the timing or tone of the message isn’t delivered properly, a guy can be made to feel rejected and rather embarrassed. For the sake of protecting and guarding his ego, his response may be to cease all means of communication. Some guys retreat to their inner shell in situations where they’ve been emotionally vulnerable and then made to feel unloved. The end result is that you feel bad for hurting him and then sad for no longer being able to spend quality time alongside him.
In instances where you actually care about saving the friendship, there are several actions you can take to subtly let a guy know that you aren’t romantically interested. The blunt and direct approach is only effective in situations where the guy is extremely arrogant, overconfident and rude. However, for that ‘really nice guy’ who is attractive, thoughtful, friendly and great on paper, you don’t want to leave him feeling broken. As a result, here are a few things that you can do to make it subtly clear that you aren’t interested beyond a friendship…
BE CAUTIOUS OF YOUR TEXT MESSAGE/SOCIAL NETWORK RESPONSES…
A lot of guys find it easier to communicate their feelings through quick phrases and commentary sent via their phones or online networks. It’s important that your responses to these indirect messages not lead him to believe that you see the interaction as anything more than friendship. Speak to him just as you would any other buddy in your life. Never ignore his texts or online messages, for it then makes him feel that you also don’t want to associate with him on a social or casual level.
HIM: ‘Good Morning Babe/’Good Morning Sexy’ –
YOU: ‘Hey Sir!’ /‘Morning Man’
HIM: ‘I wish I could be laying next to you right now’ –
YOU: ‘LOL! My feet stink’
HIM: ‘You are so fine’ –
HIM: ‘You look so good in that pic you just posted’ –
… and never use SMILEY FACE EMOTICONS in your text replies or the WINK SMILEY EMOTICON. Make sure the terms you use are very general.
OPENLY DISCUSS YOUR PERSONAL/SEX LIFE
Guys do not openly share their romantic/sexual relations with those who they are attempting to date or establish a serious relationship with. Unless asked specific questions, a guy isnt going to voluntarily tell you that he slept with someone else or that he gave his number to someone he met on Twitter. Therefore, if you are randomly telling him about the date you enjoyed the night before or the amazing guy you met while at the mall with friends over the weekend, he will begin to understand that he exists in your ‘friend zone’. Since guys only seem to discuss their conquests and attractions with their homebois or close female friends, he will realize that you discussing your relations with him means that he is just that; a ‘homeboi’.
OFFER TO INTRODUCE HIM TO YOUR SINGLE FRIENDS/ASSOCIATES
In an instance where you are pointing out this dudes finer attributes, he will know that you respect him and admire his personal qualities. This allows you to come off as caring and friendly. However, flip the sense of care by suggesting he allow you to introduce him to your single friend or an associate of a friend. If you are willing to set him up on a date with someone else, his mind will process this behavior as romantic disinterest. That’s exactly the message you want to deliver.
CREATE MOMENTS OF FRIENDSHIP
When he initiates outings between the two of you that seem like a planned date of some sort, ask him to invite one or two of his friends and suggest that you will invite a few friends to come along as well. Tell him that friendship is extremely important to you. Make it clear that since you value his friendship, you want him to meet the other important people in your life. By creating the group outings you are establishing to him that he is someone who you want to exist in your life long term, but not in a romantic sense.
Most guys are more sensitive than they initially appear to be. Saying that you’re ‘not ready right now’ or ‘you want to take your time before entering another relationship’ gives men a false sense of hope. Guys are like puppies in a sense. They will patiently wait and wait for an opportunity to get close to you, even if you’re yelling at them or expressing frustration. They will sit in your face from a distance in anticipation of the day when you will be ready and open to his advances.
It’s tough to avoid saying, ‘Im not attracted to you. You’re not my type. We won’t work as a couple. Please leave me alone.’
However, in order to sometimes salvage the friendship, you must take steps in delivering the message cautiously and with great care. Please don’t be a bitch about it…UNLESS he is a jerk who thinks he can have anyone and everyone he desires. Then, and only then is the ‘BLUNT and HONEST’ approach most appropriate.
I KNOW WHAT MANY OF YOU ARE THINKING! Xem, following this advice is only going to make someone feel worse. If you’re discussing your love life around them, always inviting other friends to come along and referring to them as ‘bro’ or ‘sir’, it’s like twisting a dagger into their heart.
While there is certainly validity to those thoughts, please keep in mind that you are operating several dynamics by following the above mentioned advice. The goal is to force this guy to understand that you don’t want him as a lover, while simultaneously training him to interact with you as a strict friend. If the ‘direct, up-front-and-honest’ approach is used in this very sensitive situation, you run the risk of losing the entire friendship until the guy is able to iron out his ego. CRUSHED.