Where Do We Stand? Im OVER This, ‘Still Getting To Know One Another’ Crap!

You and your cuddle buddy have been snuggling and spending cozy-time together since Fourth Of July weekend. His behavior has been pretty consistent over the past few months. He comes over every Monday, Wednesday and Friday night after leaving the gym. He usually showers. You watch. Sometimes he pulls you in with him. Other times you wait in the bedroom with a towel to help dry him off. The two of you have established a routine of sorts; dinner and TV three evenings each week, time apart on Tuesdays and Thursdays, mall and movie night on Saturdays and brunch after church on Sunday afternoons. Every moment that you’ve spent alongside him during this transitional season has been comfortable and seemingly familiar. Though neither of you have verbalized the idea of establishing an exclusive relationship, each day has been filled with an outward expression of feelings. He carves out time to call or text you throughout each day. Most of the time, he’s simply saying, ‘hello’. You then respond with a series of smiley faces and text messages filled with, ‘I miss you’. This guy has become the first person you’ve actually fallen for since breaking up with your ex.

All of your friends are now curious about the status of the relationship. In fact, they’ve been encouraging you to pursue something serious. After all, you’ve been single for the past two years. Each of your friends knows that you’ve been spending countless hours with this new man. It has become obvious to everyone in your circle that you very much like this guy. Naturally, you’ve brought his name up in numerous conversations. However, it hasn’t been until recently that the inquiries from your friends have forced you to wonder,…

WHERE DO I STAND IN THIS MAN’S LIFE?!

One of the toughest and most difficult phases in the dating process is determining the direction in which the relationship is traveling. While many people believe that a man’s actions speak louder than his words, I have always reminded my friends to pay very close attention to what a man says.

If upon meeting a guy, he tells you that he does not want to be involved in a monogamous relationship, never forget his statement. Regardless of how affectionate, consistent or attentive he is to your needs, remember in the back of your mind that he isn’t searching for a serious commitment. Yes, it is very true that people change their minds about wanting a relationship. As their heart begins to beat to the rhythm of someone new, a man can decide that he no longer wants to date or sleep with other people. However, until your cuddle buddy verbally expresses interest in a long term union, you should continue to interact and engage with him based upon what initially came out of his mouth.

If you exist in the majority of those who ignored his words, don’t feel bad. It isn’t strange or unusual that you now possess very strong and intense feelings for someone who you can’t call your own. The reality is that you’ve invested a fair share of your time into getting to know this man romantically. If you’ve also begun having sex with him regularly, it’s quite obvious why you’re now wanting to solidify the relationship with boundaries, commitment and a title. 

It’s too late at this point to alter the events that have led you to this moment in time. it’s also impossible to now erase your present feelings.

You have to make a logical decision in order to guard and protect your heart.

Your first step should be initiating a face to face conversation with this man; the guy whose behavior suggests that he also wants more than what presently exists between the two of you. Be direct and honest with him regarding the fact that you’ve fallen hard. Express that you’ve developed feelings a lot quicker than expected. You should be able to swallow your pride at this point, in hopes that he will recognize your sincerity. Reveal that you haven’t been spending intimate time with anyone other than him. Also, make it clear that you aren’t having sex with other people. He must understand that he has been the primary focus in your love life. Don’t assume that he knows what you have and have not been doing in his absence.

Once you have presented your feelings, blatantly ask your guy if he wants to move the relationship beyond the stage of cuddling and casual dating. If he responds by saying, ‘lets just see where this goes…’ OR, ‘I thought we were just getting to know one another’, its then up to you to decide whether you want to WALK now or WAIT on him.

For the most part, he has been honest and upfront with you regarding his expectations and desires. While you may have already developed significant feelings for this man, its a lot easier to leave him alone during this first three month, honeymoon stage, than it is once you’ve completely fallen in love. Also, don’t allow him to make you feel guilty for ‘rushing things.’ That’s how guys often get away with stringing our hearts along for extended periods of time.

There is a huge difference between rushing a relationship and requiring that a man identify the romantic role that you play in his life.

Make him accountable for the moments the two of you have shared, as well as the time you have invested into the untitled relationship. If you allow a guy to spend months enjoying your body and soul behind closed doors but only labeling you as his friend, he will continue to treat the relationship as a casual rendezvous. Sometimes, asking the guy you’re dating to define WHERE YOU STAND, forces him to evaluate his feelings and the affect that your presence has in his life. Otherwise, he may grow too comfortable and complacent in the mundane of your casual dating status.

Many of us allow our relationships to simply flow, in fear of chasing our love interest away with questions and expectations. However, one must be mindful of the fact that ignoring the undefined terms of a romantic bond leads to ‘complicated situations’. In turn, complicated situations lead to silence, hurt feelings, distance, confusion, resentment and ultimately, a winter season filled with bitter, cold pain.

Once you have been dating or spending intimate time with the same man for three months or longer, it is very common and appropriate that you begin expecting him to make a solid decision about where you stand in his romantic life.

 

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