There’s a scene in the 2004 movie classic, MEAN GIRLS, where the ‘evil teen queen’, Regina George, states that she ‘invented’ Cady Heron. Cady is the new girl in town who Regina embraces as one of the members of her elite circle of ‘Plastics’. This is the popular clique in school that everyone admires and looks to for the latest trends. Regina leads this group as they stand above their socially awkward classmates. As tides begin to turn and Regina slowly loses grip of her reigning power, Cady slowly moves up the ranks. Regina is told that Cady is hosting a big, Friday night party that all of the popular kids in school are attending. Upon discovering that she wasn’t invited, Regina goes on a rampage to make it clear that no one would have ever known or paid attention to Cady if it weren’t for her efforts in ‘creating’ this girl into who she now ‘thinks she is.’
Someone who you once loved and adored can easily become an enemy or distant stranger. As the friendship or romantic relationship that the two of you shared comes to an end, the individual who you thought you knew so well, suddenly displays attitudes and behaviors that you’ve never previously witnessed from them. Their vengeful and vindictive character traits have risen to the surface. This new demeanor seems to dictate every decision and statement they make in reference to you. Somehow, the pain they feel as a result of the breakup or dissolution of the friendship, wont allow them to respect the sanctity of what once existed. Not only are they threatened by the fact that you’ve successfully moved on with your personal life, but they’re also declaring the idea that they’ve ‘INVENTED YOU’.Your ex or former friend has ignited a public campaign against you. He is negatively mentioning your name and stating claim to your accomplishments in every conversation or interaction that he has with another being. His goal is to discredit every personal stride you made during the period that the two of you existed on good terms.
Your ex or former friend may have introduced you to certain people, places, styles of clothing and social opportunities during the relationship. However, he wants the world to think that he is solely responsible for everything you have become. Nevermind the fact that he too benefitted from the physical pleasures, emotional comforts and financial stability that you also contributed to the relationship. This man has decided that without him, you would have never achieved anything beyond the common threads of daily life.When two people establish a bond based upon love, comfort and common interests, it should be accepted and understood that there will be an even exchange of ideas and support throughout the relationship. The level of support that is extended should be delivered without an ownership or return policy.
As time progresses, the friend or lover who may have entered the relationship with low self esteem, will naturally gain confidence as they continue to receive nurturing from their partner. Additionally, two individuals who spend countless hours alongside one another, will begin to dress similarly or even look-a-like to some. The friends of one partner will gradually extend themselves unto the other; therefore creating a casual association that will most likely continue beyond the life of the central relationship. Publicly, others will automatically take notice of the partner or friend who is always seen, positioned and photographed online alongside the individual who is already a fixture on the social circuit.All of these elements exist as the result of common, human interaction. The ways in which someone’s confidence, style, appearance or notoriety evolves over time is a reflection of their natural growth as an individual. Yes, being involved in the relationship may have contributed to those levels of maturation. However, one person should never feel entitled to state claim or receive credit for ‘making someone else’ into who they’ve become. The changes would have still occurred under other universal circumstances.Circumstances of a relationship that allow two people to see one another daily provides the opportunity for both individuals to feed off of one another’s strengths. That feeding cycle is what ultimately builds each person into who they become as they move beyond one another.It should be understood that in life, nothing can come to be for an individual who doesn’t desire to build upon their character. The passion or desire to ignite these changes are the seeds we plant in our own lives. No one else can force this process beyond a verbal suggestion. Our decisions and choices to act in accordance with what we want or how we wish to build, are the steps taken towards improving ourselves. As a result, regardless of what someone else may physically do to contribute to our lives, it was our initial decision to seek change that determined the present outcome; the INVENTION of our own destiny. NO ONE ELSE ‘CREATED’ YOU.