A stable, intimate relationship depends upon frequent, open dialogue and conversation. Many couples face problems in their romantic relationship that are directly related to a breakdown in healthy means of communication. One partner is usually very open, verbal and comfortable sharing the highs and lows of their daily life. The other partner then exists on the far left end of the spectrum. The woes of life force them into a dark shell. This individual retreats into a comfort zone that doesn’t include any interaction with external forces while they are dealing with circumstances beyond their immediate control. The individual has a tendency to close up and withdraw socially when their personal life is in turmoil. They become consumed by their issues and can even lash out at anyone who tries to communicate with them during these periods.
One of the most frustrating feelings for many of us is not being able to physically or emotionally support the one we love when they are experiencing difficulty or hardship in their lives. Whether the situation involves work related stress, internal family issues or even financial burdens, we often interpret our role as the lover/partner/spouse to include ‘fixing’ the problem. Some of us, like myself, tend to want to explore a range of different feelings and opinions on most matters that concern the ones we love. Others, like many of our partners, prefer for things to be kept simple unless there is an immediate action that needs to be taken.
For individuals who have created a habit of closing themselves off from the world when they are faced with hardship, being forced to talk about their feelings is extremely frustrating. These people in particular may have not experienced success in sharing their problems with others. Many of them anticipate possible rejection, abandonment or disapproval when they are most vulnerable. Some of them experience a poor sense of self-worth that impairs their ability to feel like they’re love-worthy when things in their lives are going poorly. In situations where the issue is focused on the wrongdoing of another individual, this individual usually swallows the burden and silences their concerns. Their past could have presented situations where they’ve confided in individuals who have then betrayed their trust. Possibly, they may have been raised in a household where it was taught that ‘bad happenings’ aren’t to be discussed or shared. Sometimes, these people have opened up about their problems and have then been made to feel guilty for complaining or ‘being dramatic’. Overall, these particular individuals are not likely to put their emotional well-being in someone else’s hands.
Many factors affect the ways in which someone communicates with others. In a romantic relationship, we must be patient and take the time to measure the contributors of how and why our partner engages with us the ways in which they do. It is not our job to expect our lover/partner/spouse to communicate and address issues exactly how we normally would. We have to view our significant other as a human being dealing with a life issue, as oppose to ‘my man or my woman’ who needs to tell me what’s going on.
It becomes extremely important for us to establish a Cycle Of Comfortable Communication.